Over the years my faith development process has often involved struggle.  But, struggling with my ever evolving faith has been and continues to be a constructive, if not always enjoyable experience.  This life-long process has at times been attended by discomfiting anxiety as well as a genuine sense of serenity, making the word, “struggling”, quite appropriate. Let me explain.

In the early years the struggling was not so intense.  Matters of faith, in my environment, were more settled in those days.  The boundaries were more clearly marked, and the discussions of serious faith issues were limited, in both depth and breadth. The basic principles of faith(those fundamental concepts of Christian doctrine about who God is, the plan of redemption made possible through Jesus Christ, the Bible being God’s Holy Word, and the Holy Spirit’s work in the life of the individual and the church) were well established and considered sufficient for that present time and circumstance.  I was and shall remain forever thankful for that basic grounding.

But then, there came the inevitable advent of life changes which presented some formidable challenges to my preparatory faith, requiring that choices be made, with each choice becoming a learning experience.   As I came to grips with more of life’s stark realities, I dared to ask, “Is my faith founded on something more durable than loyalty to a prescribed system of beliefs?”  And further, “Will my faith remain steadfast in the face of devastating  circumstances like poverty, debilitating diseases, racial hostility and hatred, and environmental calamity”?  In truth, some answers have been more easily acquired than others. Some questions remain as I grapple with myths and certainties, still in quest of authentication. But, rather than being discouraged and inclined to consider my faith as invalid, I am developing a faith that consistently proves to be more substantial and reliable.  I am growing into what I would describe as “Seasoned Faith,” a faith affirmed through long-term life experience.

Essential to this process has been the recognition and acceptance of a continual transformation. The Apostle Paul refers to this progression when he says, “When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child; I reasoned like a child.  But when I became a man [adult] I put childish things behind me.” (1 Corinthians 13:11; N.I.V) Even so, my struggle continues. I do get caught up, now and again, in the fickle winds of circumstance. I vacillate between the extremes of childishness and maturity, and, in fact, more often than I would like to admit, I concede. Like those early disciples, I find it less strenuous to respond with childish immaturity than to choose the more arduous response of a seasoned faith.  Childish faith is preoccupied with self-interest and gratification.  Seasoned faith expresses itself in gratitude.  Childish faith concerns itself with immediate personal needs-the security of salvation; the tangible benefits of being in relationship with Christ; and the anticipation of having prayers answered in accordance with one’s own wishes. Seasoned faith, on the other hand, has been informed and disciplined by trial, error and verification, and is, therefore, more expansive in its vision, and more acclimated to long-term fulfillment with respect to God’s eternal purpose.  

Jesus’ question directed to his disciples on more than one occasion, about their faith or lack there of, often rings in my ears as well. In those moments, I am called back into the sphere of understanding faith in the light of God’s redemptive and transformative intentions for all creation. Seasoned faith recognizes that while God loves and cares for me personally and intimately, I am not God’s only child. I do live in a larger world of vast and desperate needs.  When I exercise my faith, selfishly, and insist that God give priority to meeting my needs, without regard to anyone else, whose needs may be far more desperate and urgent, that is, indeed, childish behavior. This is exactly the kind of childishness that I want to put behind me, and begin looking at faith in its larger dimensions.  Rather than thinking in terms of amassing greater and greater quantities of faith, my challenge now is to grow into a fuller and more dynamic understanding of faith.

The Hebrews 11:1 passage, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things unseen,” is beginning to make more sense to me now. As I understand it, this is not so much a definition of faith as it is an acknowledgement of faith’s actuality.  When I consider the actuality of faith, lived out in the atmosphere of grace( God’s loving kindness), it occurs to me that my life, my humanity, my spirituality, my very being, are all wrapped up in relationship with God.  From the beginning and all the way through, it is within the context of that grace relationship that my faith finds opportunity for expression.   Now, in my mind, my  graced-based relationship with God and my faith in God are inseparable.  For me, that’s ok.  Perhaps that is the way it should be with seasond faith.