By Cari Willis

I am a volunteer Chaplain to those on “the row” across nine different states. As a Chaplain to those with a death sentence hanging over their heads, I sit with them in times of great joy as they try to live their life to its fullest and I sit with them in their darkest moments as they grieve their many losses.

When we laugh together our joy erupts from our bellies for all to hear. And when we mourn, we sob as we reflect on the many narratives of their lives. I offer my friends on the row sacred and safe space to be whoever they are at that moment without judgment and without any agenda of my own. I am a non-anxious intentional listener who is present with them wherever they find themselves to be.

There are times when I am asked to witness their executions. Watching a healthy man be killed by the state with IV drugs that were never meant to kill anybody is traumatic to one’s soul. I am never an impartial onlooker. I am always a trusted Spiritual Advisor who is deeply loved and who in return deeply loves the person on the gurney. Watching as my friends take their final breaths becomes a tape that is replayed over and over again in my mind.

Therefore, as a Chaplain it is imperative that I also find sacred space where I can just “be” with all my joys and my many sorrows. I have got to get the grief out. I tell people that I have learned to grieve and grieve well. This may mean as some sorrow wells up within me, even if I am on aisle eight of the Food Lion, that I cry and let the tears have their way. It also means finding a trusted listener who will witness my pain and sorrow – and yes, who will cry with me. The Chaplain needs a Chaplain. I cannot do this ministry on my own. I must have someone who is fully present for me just as I am fully present to my friends on the row.

My ministry demands all of me – all of my focus, all of my soul space and all of my emotions. And while it is challenging, I know that I am blessed beyond measure by God who so magnificently placed each and every one of my friends in my path. They have taught me about facets of God I just could not see for myself. I have seen their lives completely transformed by the unconditional and irrational love of God that is always pursuing them and claiming them. They are quite simply Christ to me.

Rev. Dr. Cari Willis is a CBF Endorsed volunteer Chaplain to those on the row in N.C., Texas, S.C., Tenn., Ind., Okla., Ala. and to those who used to reside on the row in Va. and Fla.

Learn more about Spiritual Care Week here: https://www.spiritualcareweek.org/

Additional Reading: 
Spiritual Care Week 2023: Chaplaincy & Mental Health (Renee Owen)
Spiritual Care Week 2023: Welcome to Spiritual Healing (Angel Lee)