By Laura Stephens Reed
“We need our church to grow.”
This is a common sentiment in many congregations. My first response to this statement is always, “How do you define growth?” There is, after all, more than one way. Often church members and leaders think in terms of numerical growth because attendance and giving are easier to calculate than spiritual development and the congregation’s impact on the surrounding community. Additionally, bodies and energy and resources soothe the worry that the church is in decline.
If your congregation is geared more toward the concrete measurements of growth, I encourage you to consider the harder-to-quantify metrics too. Still, there might be very good reasons for you to want more children of God to come through your doors, including the desire for new perspectives or for more people to experience the life-changing love you have felt at your church. Great! Even with these earnest hopes, though, newcomers don’t always come back, and even those who have visited for a while might drift away. That’s a difficult reality to face.
To assess why that might be happening, let’s first consider why people try out new-to-them churches. It is partly about worship style, and to some extent, could be about programming. But what really nudges newcomers to visit – a very courageous step when you consider that they are walking into a pre-formed community with all its own rituals – and then keep coming is the yearning for belonging. They want to be part of something larger than themselves. They want to know and be known by others and to be loved for who they are. They want to change and be changed by what the congregation does and whom (and, of course, Whom) they encounter during it. They want to be equipped and empowered to go out into the world and make an impact in Christ’s name because of how they have been accepted and formed by their church.
This is a biblical model of authentic community. It is Jesus’ band of disciples, a group of imperfect people who find meaning, camaraderie, courage and purpose by following him. It is the book of Acts, with people both respected and unified by hearing the Gospel in their own languages, then forming and re-forming Church over and over when they realize that those people they didn’t really associate with before should be part of their movement too.
What, then, gets in the way of newcomers feeling this kind of belonging?
Inadequate welcome. Welcome is more than simply directing newcomers to a Sunday school classroom or providing a worship bulletin, though these are important gestures. It is also about showing delight that visitors have joined you, then inquiring about their wants and needs. What brings you to our church today? Going to a new church takes a lot of courage; thank you for trusting us! So, what can we do to make your time with us as low-stress as possible? It’s taking interest in newcomers and helping them make connections with others in the congregation. What brings you joy? I’d love to introduce you to [person with similar interest]. The hospitality extends beyond the visit itself with personalized follow up. We’re so glad you were here! What was helpful or confusing for you? How can we make your next time with us even more meaningful?
Unwillingness to change. Many churches explain their practices by saying “we’ve always done it this way.” Those methods hold deep importance and many memories for those who have been around for a long time, but it’s very possible that those same behaviors don’t mean much at all to newcomers (at best) and might be barriers to engagement (at worst). For belonging to happen, people need to know that their contributions of talents, ideas and ways of doing things – which might very well be different from tradition – are welcome in the community. This requires self-examination and vulnerability on a congregation’s part. Why do we do the things we do? What beliefs and assumptions implicit in that “why?” still serve us well, and which ones don’t? What is our resistance to this question that has been asked or this new approach that has been proposed?
Desperation. Sometimes we go overboard on what we think is hospitality to visitors because we see the possibility of meeting a need we see in the church. I have watched congregants be so overjoyed that someone new has shown up that they swarm that person. Thank goodness you’re here! Come sit with me in the front pew. Tell me all about yourself. Would you like to serve on [committee name]? We could really use you. This can happen with any demographic, but it often occurs with visiting families with children or youth. It’s important to let people know their presence is appreciated and very much wanted – but without pressure. Most newcomers need some space to process what they are experiencing. Additionally, those who have had traumatic episodes at other churches (or even in other areas of their lives) need time before they can make any kind of commitment to service or even to membership.
Newcomers are gifts to congregations. They bring fresh expressions of God’s image in humanity. They challenge us in needed ways. They represent potential new partners in care and accountability. They remind of us of why it’s essential that our church exists. May we delight in their presence, invite them in with intentionality, and watch how their belonging to God and to our congregations moves us ever closer to embracing the good that God wants for us all.