Marion Aldridge, Coordinator of CBF of South Carolina

This post comes from Marion Aldridge, coordinator of CBF of South Carolina. It was originally published as Marion’s column in the October issue of the CBF of South Carolina newsletter.

When I was a kid, somewhere between age 9 and 11, our pastor must have preached a humdinger of a sermon about sex. When we got home, I asked Mother and Dad what some of the words in the sermon meant, specifically, “virgin” and “petting.” They told me to look them up in the dictionary, which was not enlightening.

I wish I could say that the church of Jesus Christ was more helpful in the twenty-first century than it was in the 1950’s, but it is not. For generations, most Christian teenagers have learned about sex from their boyfriend or girlfriend, and that often included a lot of misinformation: “You can get pregnant by French-kissing.”

As a young adult with rambunctious hormones, I was grateful that a man who eventually became my friend, Charlie Shedd, wrote a volume titled “The Stork Is Dead.” Charlie was a Christian and what he wrote was practical and useful advice. He told the truth, and he did not begin every sentence with “Thou shalt not…!”

Another source, not Christian, was also beneficial because it was chockfull of factual (and probably some spurious) information. “Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex but Were Afraid to Ask” by David Reuben was not a Christian document. If Christians don’t help one another with the subject of sex, we will get our information elsewhere.

Television and the movies are the prime source for misguiding this current generation. The Cooperative Baptist Fellowship, in partnership with Mercer University, is trying to do something about this giant void in Christian education and spiritual formation. We are co-sponsoring “A [Baptist] Conference on Sexuality and Covenant” in Decatur, Ga., April 19-21.

Every church ought to require its staff and leadership, especially its youth minister and youth Sunday school teachers, to attend. Human sexuality always has been and always will be a complicated subject, with changing social, cultural and religious values. Shouting “The Bible says!” is not helpful, because the Bible says the Patriarchs and heroes of our faith were often philanders and polygamists. Beware before you glibly start pushing traditional or even Biblical “family values.”

Social security has always been an important part of sexual ethics. During the Biblical era, and in all agricultural societies, big families were important to ensure there would be plenty of children later on, available to care for aging parents, especially widows. Men in that world who avoided responsible sexual behavior were condemned. People who didn’t take care of the elderly were also anathema.

As the eldest child, Jesus was taking care of his social responsibility regarding the long-term care of his mother when, on the cross, he passed that assignment on to John: “Behold, thy Mother.” Nowadays, many congregations have elderly widows and widowers who are in a sexual relationship, sleeping over for the weekend with one another because marriage, according to their understanding of our laws, punishes them financially if they have a wedding! Many naïve pastors don’t know this because their embarrassed church members simply stop attending worship and disappear from congregational life. Is “true love waits” the only thing we have to say to these mature adults?

CBF has struggled with how to address the subject of human sexuality which has been taboo and hidden for much of Christian history. We could summarize the typical response of Baptists by saying it has been largely fearful. Sex is powerful and has changed the course of many individuals, families and even nations. Sex is to be respected, but not feared.

This event is our attempt to hear from experts and from one another on this important topic. Maybe next year we will address another taboo, such as money! Or, gluttony! I’m not sure that, in my lifetime, we will be able to address partisan politics!

One of our hopes is that CBF can successfully model how to have a hard conversation about difficult and divisive subjects. There will be people who will want to make this “Conference on Sexuality and Covenant” solely about homosexuality. I certainly hope the subject of homosexuality is on the agenda. But if we don’t find a way to speak to and listen to teenagers, young adults and every other adult struggling with various types of sexual issues, we will have failed in one of our roles as churches.

Talking about sex is always difficult. It was for my parents. It was for me as a preacher. Most congregations have great diversity, from pre-teens who will be blown away by too much information, to senior adults (or others) who think sex is an inappropriate subject for conversation 100% of the time— even with their own husband or wife!

CBF is not in the resolution-making business, I am glad to say. I have always thought that an organization that voted on a resolution by a 55 percent -45 percent margin wasn’t all that resolved. Instead, we want to create safe space for meaningful dialogue about matters too often neglected by the Christian church.

I intend to go to this conference/conversation. If you cannot attend, maybe you can join in the online conversation before and after the event. The key, for me, always, is listening. I already know what I have been taught the Bible says, and I already know my own interpretations and opinions.

As in many other areas, I have also learned that the Bible is a Big Book and people with different backgrounds (for instance, polygamist Mormons) read it quite differently than I do. Let’s help our fellow-Christians of all ages and perspectives learn that they can trust the church to be diligent in searching for the truth—even when we are dealing with a challenging and complicated subject.