By Laura Stephens-Reed

The most vital skill to cultivate in congregations is curiosity. That might seem like a strange claim to make. After all, the gospels tell us that the two greatest commandments are to love God and then to love neighbor. Matthew 25 calls us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and visit the imprisoned. Matthew 28 compels us to go into God’s world, teaching and making disciples of the people we encounter there. So how does curiosity figure in?

Curiosity, which is earnest inquiry about people, places and ways of being and doing, makes all of these sacred aims possible. Here’s how:

Curiosity strengthens relationships. When we ask questions of others that are based in what we’ve noticed about them or heard them say, those people feel seen and valued. Often, they want to return the favor. The result is deepening trust and investment in the relationship and delight in recognizing more of the divine image reflected in one another.

Curiosity increases understanding. There is so much we don’t know about fellow humans, the world and God. We pick up bits and pieces through reading and experience but being inquisitive is the fastest way to build not just academic knowledge but also the wisdom that bridges differences.

Curiosity defuses conflict. Clashes happen when we don’t see common ground or when we don’t understand the history behind a person’s position. Disputes then are signs to dig a little deeper—if we can’t agree on a way forward, about what can we see eye-to-eye? What makes this issue so meaningful for you? Questions like these bring us back around to our shared humanity.

Curiosity draws out more and better ideas. It is rare that our first plan, either as individuals or as collectives, is the best one. We’ve got to assess and improve it. What could go right? What could go wrong? What if we changed this particular piece? And then after implementation, we need to debrief, wondering about what the impact, what we learned and what we’d do differently next time.

Curiosity makes us more like Jesus. The four gospels record Jesus’ asking more than 300 questions. He uses these questions to show his care for people and to provoke thought in those he encounters. If we are going to emulate Jesus, we must get curious.  

In short, we cannot love, serve, teach or invite as well as possible until we allow ourselves to become genuinely interested in people and their contexts. Otherwise, we risk making harmful assumptions, limiting our approach and cheating everyone out of the chance to know and be known.

But curiosity doesn’t always come easily, even at church. As a young person, I was not encouraged by many of my congregational leaders to ask questions. Some even labeled wanting to know more as a lack of faith. (I heartily disagree with that sentiment now, just like I did back then. Why would God give us inquisitive minds if we weren’t supposed to use them?) Attitudes like these can still plague our subconscious.

Curiosity, though, is a tool for discernment, which is a fancy way of saying figuring out God’s invitations to us. We can build muscle for curiosity and thus for discernment in every area of congregational life:

I was first introduced to congregational covenants by the church I attended while I was in seminary. The congregation had created and agreed to several statements about how they would be a church together. A banner with their covenant hung prominently in the sanctuary and was reaffirmed regularly. A covenant is a helpful touchstone when conversations become tricky. The element of curiosity could easily be part of such a pact (e.g., “I agree to ask questions of my fellow church members before coming to conclusions”).

Worship services are crafted to draw out our praise and wonder. It’s just a short hop to curiosity. Preachers could invite congregants to write down one question that came up for them as they listened to the sermon, then place that question in the offering plate. Or worship leaders could leave space during the service for people to speak to a neighbor and ask a get-to-know-you question.

Bible study provides lots of opportunity for curiosity. Bible study leaders can model it by asking open-ended questions (as opposed to questions with “right” answers). They can invite participants to pose their queries. They can assign homework such as coming up with three questions based on readings or class discussions. 

Meetings can be made more energizing and productive through the use of curiosity. (Have you ever been in a meeting where the only questions asked were related to parliamentary procedure, as in, “Do I hear a motion to…?”) Curiosity can be built into the regular structure of meetings, such as gathering questions that help set the tone for the time together and ending questions that create agreement around actions and take the temperature of the people in the room. There could also be a visual in the room with queries that are appropriate throughout the agenda (e.g., “How does this plan align with our congregational values?”  or “What would make this idea even stronger?”).

Fellowship events are prime times for curiosity because there’s plenty of time and space for interaction. Inquisitiveness can be encouraged through icebreaker activities or guided conversations. For example, if your church has a chili cook-off, instruct people to approach the chef of their favorite blend and ask for the story behind the recipe. (Every chili cook has one!)

Service opportunities might be the hardest yet most important venues for curiosity. Many of us prefer to help from a distance, or get in, do the thing and get out because of our discomfort. A way into curiosity, then, could be to interrogate our own reactions to helping others. A deeper level would be to invite the people we encounter to tell us about their stories and gifts. Exercising curiosity can be hard at first. We have to get over our fear of not knowing the answers to our questions in advance. But if we can lean into our earnest wonderings, we will grow as Jesus followers, become more sensitive to others’ needs and God’s work in the world, and be the Church.

Laura Stephens-Reed is a clergy and congregational coach based in Alabama. She has been credentialed as a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coaching Federation and as a Certified Mentor Coach, and she sits on the faculty of two coach training schools. She has also been trained as a Congregational Consultant and an Intentional Interim Minister by the Center for Congregational Health.